Update on breastfeeding: Finally, I can see the light. After having her tongue tie and lip tie released, Elsie is no longer fussy from the discomfort and is feeding as she always should have - normally. She's also finally gaining an ounce/day wihtout us spending the whole day nursing. After being misdiagnosed with several different problems (first oversupply, then overactive let down and poor milk transfer, with engorgement then low supply happening in the midst of it all) and minimal weight gain on Elsie's part, I finally read Dr Jack Newman's literature on tongue tie and decided that must be the reason for all of our frustration and nipple trauma. Sure enough, Dr Fayad in Ottawa saw and released her posterior tongue tie (harder to notice) and her fairly obvious lip tie. In a way, I feel like our first 6 weeks ,- though not horrible (but pretty hard) - were stolen from us by nobody picking up on the signs and suggesting this as a problem sooner. I kept thinking "*nobody* would breastfeed if it really is this hard" and "why are my nipples damaged so much more than anybody else's?" Now I am confident in the knowledge that I and my breasts can take care of our baby (with the much needed assistance from Martin, of course). My sincere hope is that the varying forms of tongue tie and the less recognized problem of lip tie become increasingly recognized amongst health care professionals.
Elsie's Birth (as promised):
Again, Elsie, you are sleeping. Again, Elsie, I should be putting away the clean laundry that has been piling up in the bedroom since you came home 6 weeks ago. However, before I forget the details surrounding your birth, I wanted to take the time to tell you about it.
Before you came, your dad and I did a lot of reading so we could know what to expect. Most of the information was excellent and prepared us really well for your birth day, but some of the information was useless and just goes to show that every body is different and every birth is unique. I think the best message that we took from all of this is to just let your instincts take over. So many of the things that helped me cope with labour would not be found in any of the birth class recommendations, but they were what my body wanted to do. We also read books that contained lots of up to date research on babies and how to care for them; we had to reread these books several times because we kept forgetting what they said. I think both your dad and I had pregnancy brain.
I will let you know that your due date was May 25th and I had been very hopeful that you would come sooner than this. You will probably learn some day that due dates mean absolutely nothing and first babies rarely come early. So, you were born 5 days after and I learned to let nature take its course (although we did bake up and eat lots of "labour cookies" to try to encourage you). In the days and weeks leading up to your birth day I felt very strongly that I wanted to be alone in the safety of our home. I occasionally made a frivolous trip to Kemptville or Smiths Falls because I knew that once you were here it would be a very long time before I could do that by myself again. I worked around the yard and tried to keep the house clean and tidy. My feet, ankles, and legs were often very swollen and though it didn't hurt, I think it made me uncomfortable and tired. I had gained 50 lbs (maybe more since I stopped checking my weight at around 38 weeks) and that made me walk very slowly. Poor Camber had to really work hard to not outpace me on our walks.
On the evening of May 29th, Martin and I were planning to spend the evening at the library, but I had a dribble of clear liquid run down my leg. This caught my interest because I thought I might have a leak in my amniotic sac. I called the midwife and she recommended that we drive to the hospital in Winchester so they could make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid. We did this and it was tested, after which we were told to go back home because it was probably just the last of my mucous plug. During this evening, I noticed that you were moving around a lot and you seemed to be pushing your bum up into my chest. It felt very strange.
After a good night's sleep, I woke up at 6 am to the "PoP!" of my sac breaking and soon my bottom was flooded with "the waters". Your dad was still sleeping and awoke quite suddenly when I said that my water had just broken. While I was in the washroom cleaning myself, your dad was busy doing what he thought was necessary at this time - cleaning the kitty litter. Oh dear. We got ahold of the midwife as we needed to let her know about this development, but also we were concerned about the color of the fluid. Instead of being clear, it was yellow. The midwife told us to meet her at the clinic with some samples of the fluid because it could be meconium; that's a fancy word for your first poop. We had arranged to meet her at 10:30, so we packed the car with our hospital bags, had a good breakfast and coffee, and let our neighbours know that they might be needed to babysit Camber for a little while. At 9:30 we were in the car and my contractions started at around 9:45. The books and websites say that contractions will begin feeling like menstrual cramps and they will be spaced 20-30 minutes apart. That wasn't true for me. My contractions felt like lower back spasms and started at 3 minutes apart, quickly progressing to 2 minutes apart. I was wishing that Winchester was not so far away at this point.
When we got to Winchester, the midwife let us know that she thought the yellow fluid indicated meconium and that meant that we had to deliver you within the next 24 hours. I think that when I felt your bum pushing up in my chest the night before, you were probably grunting out your first poop. Well, it's a good thing I was already contracting. At this point, my cervix was dilated to 2 cm only, but I was 80-90% effaced. Your head was really very low in my pelvis and had been for the few weeks leading up to this. So, we were on our way to the hospital, but first we had to stop at Tim's for some snacks and get Gatorade at the grocery store. I was sitting in the car waiting for your dad and hoping that you would wait for us to get to the hospital.
We got settled in the room around noon, and I sat on the bed while the midwives prepared the room. The birthing ball was not something that I thought I would use very much during labour, but the midwives seemed to know that would be the best position to help things along. I stayed there for all 6 hours of contractions. For me, the best comfort measure was to chant through the contractions; my chant was a consistently spaced "ha! ho! ha!". Sometimes the chant would have a melody and it would feel like I was singing, but sometimes it felt more like I was yelling it. Another thing that helped me breathe through the contractions was to make my lips very loose and exhale through them in a way that made them flap. I think I probably sounded like a horse when I did this. Distractions, whether they were visual or auditory were not welcome and I tried very hard to keep them from happening. Every two hours the midwife checked to see how far I had dilated. Unfortunately, even though my contractions were so strong and frequent, they weren't progressing me very quickly. About 40 minutes before my final vaginal exam, I really felt like pushing. That urge is impossible to stop, but I knew that I hadn't dilated enough to start to deliver you. Finally, the midwife said she would do another exam at around 7pm. This time she slipped a finger under my cervix and told me to go ahead and push with my next contraction. I didn't know what she had done, but she was sliding my cervix up around your head so that you could start your journey out into the world with each push. She saw that I was making progress and things moved really quickly after that. I didn't feel like I was pushing for a very long time - maybe 20 minutes - but it was actually 47 minutes of pushing before you came out. I remember on one of the last contractions I had, I yelled at you "Come out now!" I really wanted to get to the other side of the whole process.
Your dad saw all of this happening and was encouraging me by telling me how much of you he could see every time I pushed. You can ask him for more details and see how much he remembers. I'm sure it made a big impression on him. He told me afterward that in between contractions, the midwives did have to unwrap your umbilical cord from around your shoulder. I wish I could have seen these things, but during the process I really felt like keeping my eyes closed and blocking out the world. I know there were more people in the room than we started with, but I didn't see them.
Finally, the last push came and you were placed on my chest all gooey and white. I don't remember feeling "the ring of fire" that everybody talks about as you crowned, but I did tear, so it must have been a tight squeeze. I do remember kissing your head and smelling you even though there was blood and other "stuff" in your hair. The first thing I said was "She's so tiny" to which the midwives responded "No, she's not." The second thing I remember saying was "What does she look like?", because your head was on my breast and your face was pointing to the side. So your dad took a picture of your face and showed it to me. I was so surprised that you had dark hair and lots of it.
The next two hours went by in a blur. You were "resuscitated", which just means that the midwives gave you lots of stimulation and wiped the vernix around on your body; also some mucous was taking out of your mouth and they made sure that your temperature and heart rate were all good. I think they were worried about your breathing a little bit because of the presence of meconium, but you were breastfeeding and your heart rate was strong so they stopped worrying. While Celine was stitching me up and helping me get cleaned in the bathroom, you were getting examined in the same room. Your dad was taught how to change your diaper and how to put a onesie on you in that time too. In fact, he did all of the diaper changing for the first couple of days because I couldn't seem to manage very much motion due to being sore in my bottom.
We spent our first night side by side in a hospital bed. I didn't sleep very much because I kept replaying the whole experience in my head and listening to your breaths. I was so afraid that you would stop breathing, for some reason. Maybe every new parent has that fear. You seemed so fragile and new to me that I must have thought you could be so easily broken. But you didn't stop breathing and you've been *mostly* healthy and happy ever since. Granted, you are only 6 1/2 weeks old and by the time you read this you will likely have had many bumps and bruises, and you probably won't always be sweet as sugar.
Wonderfully told! Love you Baby Elsie
Posted by: Joanie Christensen | 07/22/2013 at 06:45 PM