Caught up

Catching up: Nine months have come and gone and I have to say that although life with Elsie gets better every day, in some ways, it also has been getting harder. Better, because she's such a little person now that she's been crawling for two months, standing and standing and standing, coming up with new sounds and gestures of communication. Harder, because I'm stuck in a spot where frustration seems to well up inside of me every day. I wouldn't say I would like to parent any differently than what Martin and I are doing now, however the frustration comes from feeling stuck in a bad place because I've got so much obligation toward Elsie (she naps better if I'm in bed with her and she is not to the point where she entertains herself for more than 3-5 minutes). Our house was purchased with the assumption that we would work really hard, put in some diy time, and fix it up. Unfortunately, we didn't get a whole lot done in the year before having a baby. Now, all of the things I want to happen (even if they are not expensive projects) have to wait until Martin is available and equally motivated. So, I would say that I've had my mind caught up with this frustration. Every time Elsie bumps her head on a door (like this morning) because the stupid dresser that is too big for the bedroom made it awkward entering the room -- or I have to pick her up when she heads into the cold and dirty unfinished summer kitchen, which then makes her upset -- or she wakes up from a nap early because Cady cat is being as noisy as possible in the litter box which needs a better home, etc., I have a mini mental breakdown and want to immediately pack up our things and put the house on the market. Do most people feel this way about their houses? Is my house making me depressed? Unfortunately, I need some kind of roof over my head and this seems to be the best (or rather most convenient) one for the moment. 

On a cheerier note however, I've also let my mind become caught with thoughts of times when Elsie and whatever sibling (s) she has will be independent people and I can develop my interests again. How fun to have her around as a companion to enjoy all that we used to enjoy before baby!  Both Martin and I have been losing our zest for the things that used to make us feel we were who we were. I understand it's part of the sacrifice to reproduce and enjoy all of the benefits that come with it. This period will perhaps make Elsie's childhood even more refreshing and rewarding for us, when she wants to listen to Papa's records and she wants to learn to knit or spin with Mama. Oh, and vacations! We can go to sunny places and play on the beach!

I'm sure the cheery thoughts are stemming from my extreme anticipation of spring's arrival. It's almost here and we'll be able to go for walks every day (without running around the house gathering those accessories that keep us warm), and Elsie can play outside at last!